Connection matters more than anything, including a great product. If someone doesn’t like or trust you, they won’t buy whatever you have to offer. In building connections, even though we like to think we aren’t shallow, we are quick to judge others. First impressions do matter. We begin to form impressions in less than 7 seconds from as far as 10 feet away.
This can manifest in various ways, depending on how your prospects discover and initiate first contact with you. If it’s an ad, it’s your choice of imagery and the messaging in your headline. On your website, it’s what they see at first glance above the fold before needing to scroll for more information. In an email, it’s your email subject and first sentence.
Your goal here isn’t to impress or exert authority, it’s actually pretty basic:
- Be likable
- Build trust
Be Likeable
In traditional sales training, SDRs are taught to initiate interactions with Non-Business Conversations (NBC), find common ground (interest, events, or experiences that you share), and use positive body language that will help you appear more relatable and quickly build rapport with your prospects. These techniques alone aren’t wrong, but without proper application and intention, they come across as inauthentic and may do more harm than good in relationship building.
For example, positive body language techniques include:
- Nodding: Communicates active listening and validation. This indicates you are following the conversation and empathizing with the customer’s perspective. It signals agreement and understanding.
- Maintaining Eye Contact: Demonstrates confidence, sincerity, and attentiveness. It shows the customer you are engaged and interested in what they are saying.
- Smiling: Conveys warmth, friendliness, and approachability. Helps put the customer at ease.
- Leaning Forward: Signals interest and attentiveness, showing that you are focused on the customer and eager to assist them.
Yes, body language is important. But what’s even more important is to be authentic about it. Instead of being overly conscious about your body language and trying to express the “right” signals, focus on empathizing, and the right body language should come naturally.
Don’t try too hard to be likable, take the pressure off yourself by focusing on making your prospect feel welcomed. This will come back to you in the form of increased likability. Your prospects feel welcomed when you:
Be human
There’s an outdated saying that suggests you shouldn’t bring your personal issues to work. Not only is it okay, but I believe it’s better to do so. For instance, if you’re having a particularly bad day, it’s entirely acceptable to apologize for and explain your low energy rather than putting up a fake smile. Prospects can tell, will understand, and they appreciate your authenticity. I’m not suggesting turning the interaction into a consultation about your personal issues.
Be intentional, be present
It takes effort to build a relationship, to be fully present, and to actively listen rather than engage in idle conversation. This is where common ground comes in. Finding common ground isn’t about identifying interesting points that they care about and pretending you share the same experiences or interests. Instead, it’s about mindfully paying attention to real commonalities and interests you share. It doesn’t only happen in conversation; it could be through observing something they’re wearing today or learning that they have children through your background research.
There’s nothing wrong with preparing for a sales interaction in advance. It doesn’t make it artificial or scripted. Prospects appreciate the work you put into tailoring the interaction to them; it makes them feel special, just as you would if you went to a restaurant on your birthday, and they sang you a song and gave you free dessert because they took the time to get to know their frequent customers. Brainstorm conversation starters that more easily surface common ground you’re excited to engage and relate with. For example, if you are a foodie, the simple question “What did you have for lunch?” could be a great opener that helps you build a strong foundation with your new prospects.
Empathize
It’s sometimes a stretch to find common ground with someone who is the polar opposite of ourselves. Even in those cases, it’s still possible to build a solid rapport with someone if we empathize. As human beings, we all share the same spectrum of emotions. Focus on connecting through emotions rather than experiences.
My friend Stevie shared his experience of sitting next to the vice president of Universal Studios Singapore on a flight. At the time, Stevie was a student and had no clear common ground with such a senior executive. Small talk led to the vice president venting his frustrations about his team. Despite Stevie’s lack of workplace-related experience, he engaged not only by
- Sympathizing: expressing that he could imagine what it must be like,
- But also, by empathizing: sharing his struggles managing his team as a club president. But not in a one-upmanship manner or for the sake of saying “Me too”.
Sympathy is the ability to acknowledge and show concern for the feelings of others without necessarily sharing their emotional experience. It isn’t inherently bad but can come across as patronizing. On the other hand, empathy creates a deeper level of connection when you try to understand and share those emotions.
Here’s an example of both sympathetic and empathic responses to someone sharing the news that they have been diagnosed with cancer:
Sympathetic Response:
- Friend: “Oh no, that’s terrible news! I’m so sorry to hear that. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.”
- The friend expresses sorrow and offers support, but the emotional connection is at a distance. The focus is on expressing concern and offering assistance without fully immersing in the emotional experience.
Empathic Response:
- Friend: “I can’t imagine how overwhelming and scary this must be for you. The fear, uncertainty, and the myriad of emotions you must be going through. I want you to know that I’m here with you every step of the way. If you want to talk about it or just sit in silence, I’m here to support you.”
- The friend not only acknowledges the situation but also attempts to understand and share the emotional experience. The response goes beyond expressing concern to actively putting themselves in the other person’s shoes, fostering a deeper emotional connection.
There is still genuine concern and support with a sympathetic response. It’s not a bad thing to do and we often find ourselves unconsciously sympathizing with others. However, if you want to connect at a deeper level, learn to empathize by sharing in the emotional journey.
Share in the suffering, against a common enemy
Sharing and going through a painful experience together tends to bring people together. I’m not advocating for creating a masochistic experience; instead, consider how you might frame the problems you solve from the perspective of emotions and behaviors.
- Emotions: What are the pain points that compelled you to create your solution? If you’ve experienced the prospect’s problem and pain firsthand, discuss your experience and how it has made you feel. Empathize.
- Behaviors: What are the behaviors or circumstances that led to these emotions?
For instance, if you provide a recycling sorting service for multi-residential buildings, why is there a need for it?
“It makes my blood boil (angry) when I see my neighbors putting plastic into the compost bins or contaminating the paper bins with mixed containers and vice versa. I’m frustrated that people can’t follow simple instructions to properly sort their waste and saddened because this creates more waste as recyclables need to be discarded. It renders the additional effort of others to recycle wasted and can even lead to damaging the equipment”
Painful emotions: anger, frustration, sadness
Behaviors/Circumstances: laziness, not following instructions, or perhaps the recycling process itself is more complicated than necessary.
These behaviors or circumstances are the common enemies responsible for your suffering. Identifying and calling them out helps your prospects understand you’re on their team.
| It’s not: | Them (prospect) | vs. | You |
| it’s: | Us (you + prospect) | vs. | Them (the problem). |
Be sincere
Don’t give shallow compliments to try and flatter your prospects. If you’re not used to expressing positive sentiments, it does take some effort and practice to notice and genuinely appreciate the things you sincerely admire. Start practicing mindful praise with your friends and family; it’ll greatly improve the quality of your relationships too.
Build Trust
Likability is also an element of trust. Some of the other elements include credibility, confidence, and social proof. Here are a few ways to build trust; you don’t have to deploy all of them, and you’ll do well if you don’t go overboard. Remember, focus more on their needs, and less on your desires. The goal isn’t to make a sale, it’s to make them feel welcomed and comfortable in your presence.
Credentials
What certifications, licenses, or awards have you earned? It could even be your job title itself or your specialized role in your organization. Highlight these to demonstrate that you’re a qualified expert in the field.
Experience
How long have you been in this industry? At this job? How many clients have you worked with? Have you worked with someone who’s faced a similar situation as them?
Knowledge
Never brag and avoid dropping jargon. You don’t want to accidentally make them feel dumb or ignorant. Instead, approach this by highlighting common misconceptions, matching their level of understanding, and teaching them about potential blind spots.
Passion
Prospects expect you to passionately advocate for your product or the company you’re working for. After all, they are paying you, and that’s what you’re trained to do. Go a level deeper by sharing your honest passion for this type of solution or your infatuation with the industry at large. If it’s lacking, perhaps it’s time to consider a career or company change.
Play on their team
They won’t trust you if they feel like it’s you/your company vs. them. Yet, it befuddles me that many sales teams adopt this mindset. Position yourself with them, even if they don’t end up becoming a customer. If you’ve personally navigated the same situation they have, share your experience as a fellow consumer trying to help another.
Be confident
If you know your stuff and understand what’s best for your prospects, be confident in your recommendations and don’t hesitate to lead the conversation. It’s not about putting on a false sense of bravado or confidently bullshitting your way through questions when you don’t know the answer. If you genuinely don’t know something, it’s better to admit it and get back to them with a proper answer after you’ve done your research.
Confidence isn’t about asserting dominance by being commanding. It’s about earning respect by demonstrating a calm competence that comes with experience and knowledge.
Dress the part
You don’t always have to wear a suit and tie; in some cases, it’s better not to. Be yourself by dressing in what makes you comfortable and confident, but also be realistic and dress the part to align with expectations. You would be worried if your doctor came in to see you in flip-flops, a hoodie, and shorts. Going all out with a suit and tie when meeting with a tech angel investor will also give the wrong impression that you’re too stiff and formal.
- Claiming an item is the most popular product (even if it isn’t).
- Suggesting that many people prefer it (even if it isn’t true).
- Or pressuring you to get multiple stakeholders on the call together.
It’s acceptable to use social proof as long as you are being honest in doing so. You can only get so far tooting your own horn. Instead of telling, show them who else is at the table. People are more willing to trust you if they can see that others have also trusted you and not been let down. Are there any notable or recognizable current or former customers you’ve worked with? How about reviews from third-party websites? Do you have customer reviews or testimonials?
It’s OK to be vulnerable.
In the Empire Builder’s Podcast, Episode #140: Building Trust, Steve and Dave share a really good example that I’ll paraphrase:
Steve had a client who was a used RV dealer. They were struggling to sell an old RV previously used as a hotbox and strongly infused with marijuana smoke. It wasn’t selling because they were afraid of coming clean about it, but once they did and said “If you’re a marijuana smoker, you can’t wreck this”, it sold fast!
Being honest and transparent about your weaknesses or flaws isn’t just acceptable; it’s better! If you seem too perfect, customers don’t feel like they genuinely know you, that you’re not being completely honest with them. In social psychology, this is known as the Pratfall effect.
Give Trust
Others will trust you if you first trust them. We feel safe and more comfortable opening up when others are willing to take that risky leap with us first. Steve and Dave also shared in that previously mentioned podcast episode the example of warranties or return policies chock-full of conditions. Policies like these suggest you don’t trust your customers, and you’re worried they will abuse it. Yes, a handful will try to take advantage; however, the trust you earn by first giving trust will empower many more people to take the leap and purchase your offerings.
Shared values and beliefs
If your organization has clear values or a stance on a particular topic, that’s a good thing. Yes, it may alienate some prospects, but those are likely not the type of people you want as your customers anyway. Boldly communicating your values and beliefs will help those who share them identify you as members of their tribe. They will more readily trust you because they understand that you share their interest and ethos.
ASSIGNMENT
Be Likable
- List some potential greetings that create the opportunity for more interesting conversations that will help you learn a little more about your prospect.
- Are there questions you can ask to invite them to share passionately about a common ground topic that you’re also equally passionate about discussing?
- Notice one thing you admire about the next three people you meet and tell them about it.
Build Trust
- What can you highlight about yourself to establish credibility? Your personal experience with the problem/solution? First-hand experience with other customers?
- What can you highlight about your company? Happy customers, Reviews, thought leadership, advocacy, etc.
