All said and done, rejection is an unavoidable part of sales. Some prospects will never end up making a purchase, even if you’ve done your best to address objections. Sometimes, it’s not even about you. They might be making unreasonable demands, have contrasting values or beliefs from you/your organization, or show no interest in collaborating or compromising. It’s better to walk away than be stuck in an unhappy relationship.
Because it takes a mental toll on you over time, it’s important to be mindful of your relationship with rejection and how it’s affecting you. Here are some helpful pointers:
Don’t take it personally
It’s hard to account for every variable. Sometimes, there are circumstances beyond your awareness or control that prevent your prospects from committing. You may also face unfair or unjust rejection based on discrimination or unconscious biases related to gender, race, sexual orientation, religion, etc.
Don’t begrudge it
I’m not saying “let it be”; we all should take an active stance to call out and rectify discrimination. Instead, when I say don’t begrudge it, I mean you shouldn’t let it define your self-worth. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. Don’t fall into a negative spiral of inaction or kill your potential simply because someone else doesn’t agree with you. Find ways to make the most of the situation, and find other avenues. If you have the energy to lament, turn it instead into productive action and make the best out of it. As they say, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. Define yourself by how you react after being rejected.
Embrace and expose yourself to it instead of avoiding it out of fear
All too often, we hold ourselves back from even trying because we’re paralyzed by the potential of rejection. It’s better to have tried and learned than to never have ventured out. Misplaced and disproportionate fear may even lead us to inaction in situations where we might not have faced rejection in the first place.
In psychology, learned helplessness refers to a condition that develops when a subject is exposed to repeated rejection and pain. The subject will start to believe they lack control over the situation and will resign themselves to accept continual rejection and pain, even if new alternative options become available. Here is a simplified explanation of the iconic (and inhumane) experiment that initiated research into this theory:
A dog is placed in a cage and subjected to repeated electric shocks. It comes to learn there is nothing it can do to avoid these shocks. This same dog is now placed into a new cage with a partition that it can hop over to avoid the shocks. The dog simply lays down passively and whines when shocked. The dog is defined as having acquired learned helplessness at this stage.
New research in the past few decades has shown that this theory has it backward; in fact, our default belief is that we are powerless. Through exposure, we learn that we actually have control over certain elements and will change our behavior or try new things. The keyword is exposure. If you aren’t exposed to those learning opportunities or to the hidden reasons that explain why you were rejected, you won’t realize that you have more control over life than you expect. Check out Jia Jiang’s TED Talk, “What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection”, for some great advice.
Slow down
Don’t run at the first sign of rejection. There is often an opportunity to further explain yourself.
Approach with curiosity
Be sincerely curious, not for the sake of trying to overcome every possible objection, but to understand. People are often willing to explain if you ask “Why?”.
If you are sincerely curious and aren’t trying to be manipulative, people won’t stonewall you; they will open up to you and share their perspectives. Perhaps they’re saying NO because they don’t understand what you’re asking? They’re on guard and skeptical because what you’re offering sounds too good to be true? They are interested but now is not the right time? Or they don’t need it but they know someone else who might (and would be happy to connect you)? You’ll never know if you don’t expose yourself to the opportunity to learn by asking WHY.
Recognize that you’ve been helpful
Every interaction is meaningful, even if it doesn’t result in a sale. If you focus on adding value, your prospects should walk away better educated and informed about options, regardless of their decision to make a purchase.
Focus on the relationship
NO now doesn’t mean NO forever. They may return to purchase in the future or even provide referrals if they had a good experience and value the relationship they’ve built with you.
Seek peer review
It can be challenging to distance ourselves from the outcome and objectively understand what happened during the heat of the moment. Colleagues and mentors may be able to offer a different perspective that will help us better internalize or learn from it.
Supportive NOs
And if you ever find yourself in a situation where you need to be the one doing the rejecting, you can make it easier to say NO by supporting them in your rejection. Do so by pointing them in the right direction for resources, alternatives, and further advice.